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Updated: 21st December 2011 22:34

News Van Calgary's Very Own
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Jennifer Aniston Adopts 33-Year-Old Boyfriend From Africa Jennifer Aniston Adopts 33-Year-Old Boyfriend From Africa The Onion: Aniston adopts boyfriend

Poor, poor Jennifer Aniston. She's rich; she's successful; she's gorgeous. It's TRAGIC. After all, she's over 40 now, and with no boyfriend, well… tick tick tick. Obviously, her life is rapidly losing all meaning as she spirals toward barren spinsterhood. So terrible is the specter of Aniston's fate that Babble recently devoted a slideshow to that unfulfilled crone and other “Celebrities with Aniston Syndrome.” But while Babble ultimately decided that musing who might “regret not having a baby sooner” is douchey and pulled the piece, the endless speculation about when the “Friends” alum will just settle down with a nice man (note to Jen: not John Mayer) and start a family never lets up. We just want you to be happy, dear.

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